The Kids Are All Right came with a resouce guide but my kid did not

On July 12th, GLAAD issued a resource guide for the new film The Kids Are All Right.  I admit I feel a bit of a personal pull with this film's topic having lived some parts of this story in my own life.  I do watch these type of Hollywood flicks to see how they turn out, if they insist on the crappy Hollywood endings we have all become so nauseatingly accustomed to seeing or if they take the bold smart right risk and actually dare to represent our lives fairly and perhaps with compassion.

In my own life I knew that I had wanted to give birth to a child if possible but in the 19 dark hundred 70's when I came out it was not politically very correct to want to have a child in some politically queer circles.  One was thought of having some subversive straight gene and if you looked like I did then you were definitely suspect (femme).  I still held the desire close to my heart but did not believe it would come to fruition.

In the very early 80's I was at the home birth of a dear friend who was indeed a trail blazer by having a child and raising her mainly as a single parent with great determination.  She even fostered children when her daughter was a bit older as an out lesbian foster mother.  It did show me that it was possible and also was an example of how much work parenting was.

Many of us know both of them as they are still in our community today but visiting a far away land (Hi M & L).  It was fabulous to see the grown up baby come to my birthday party at the Timberline in 2004 as an adult woman - oh my god, that is enough to make one feel their age.  She has turned out to be a beautiful young woman with her mothers' love of travel very much a part of her.  The apple and the tree is a true story there.

By the early 90's I was in a stable relationship and felt very blessed that my partner wanted to have a child too.  It was not like it is today where there are tons of queer folk having children, we were still the exception.  There were not resources readily available regarding donor insemination, what the options were, how to make the best choice for your own situation or how to live with it after wards so I started a group for lesbians that wanted to have children.

Several of us in the group became pregnant and were grateful that we had each other to sort through what felt was the 'right way' for our lives.  We each utilized different choices in donor options.  It was still not the most conventional or popular thing to do - you had to search a bit to find others like you, so much of my support once I became pregnant started to become from straight counterparts pregnant and having children.  This was not too unusual I soon found out by talking with other gay families I met.


In a few short years things started to change dramatically.  Many more queer people started having children by birth or adopting.  Now there are tons of groups and support available if you are queer and want to be a parent.  We made the decision for our family that worked for us and have a known donor who our daughter knows as her dad.  She is grateful that she has this relationship with him and I feel that we made the right decision for our family.  I believe strongly that every situation is different and people have to do what they believe will work for them.

My life has been enriched by my relationship with my daughter and I feel so fortunate that I was able to have a child.  She has brought joy to my life and also to the other adults that round out her family.  A couple years ago I overheard her saying 'After I get permission from the 'lesbian brady bunch' I will call you back'.  Unbeknown to me that is how she referred to her family AND she had nicknamed each of us, her biggest fans and bleacher warmers.  I will spare you the nicknames.

As I was writing I reflected on truly how far things have come in a relatively short period of time.  I certainly do believe in continuing to strive and push until we are treated 100% equally.  Sometimes it is easy to think of how far we have to go to gain total equality but when I look at my daughter it tells me how truly far we have come.  Ms T.

Today, GLAAD released a resource guide for the new film The Kids Are All Right, starring Annette Bening, Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. The guide is intended as a tool for journalists and bloggers who want to learn more about the topics covered in the film and includes talking points on donor insemination, how to discuss alternative families and information on real life stories. To view the guide, please visit: http://www.glaad.org/kidsareallright

In the film by out filmmaker Lisa Cholodenko, Bening and Moore play a longtime couple who began a family through donor insemination, each mother bearing a child. As teenagers, the couple’s children decide to track down their donor (Ruffalo) without telling their mothers. The film deals with how the family copes once the donor enters their lives.

“What’s so interesting about this movie is that it really highlights how important a family is. What a long-term relationship is,” said Moore in an interview with AfterEllen.com. “What it means to stick it out with somebody; to forgive people’s mistakes; to punish people within your family; to guide them toward growing up and leaving after you’ve been so attached — all of these things. The film is a really interesting exploration of that.”

According to Deadline.com, The Kids Are All Right opened on seven screens this past Friday and scored the highest per screen gross this year so far with $72,127 per screen. If its box office performance is any indication, The Kids Are All Right underscores the desire among American audiences to see lesbian stories reflected on screen. The film will be expanding into 11 new markets this week. For more information, please visit the film’s official website.

Thanks to GLAAD for this article.